?

I keep falling down in public. Not because I am drunk (although I may have been) but because of these new shoes of mine. Most the time they are the easiest thing in the world but on slight slopes sometimes they just skip out from under me and I'm on the ground.
I hate falling. It is embarrassing and almost demeaning and always a surprise. And I haven't been hurt by it, really, but it leaves me silently enraged and ashamed. And I storm off and refuse assistance, then go quiet as I ponder what a fool I am for having fallen where people could see me and assume things about me, like alcoholism and frailty. And then I regress,
And get on the subway, eyes darting around and brain trembling, and am certain that the girl in the doorway of the car is my old stalker from college, and shiver and weep when I sit down.
I would like, very much, a long vacation in a quiet place where nobody knows or cares for or about me, with just one person to keep me company on long, slow, wine and candles nights, to just be, and quietly so.
And nobody to see me fall, but to enjoy a quieted, unexpected but decadent rush of emotion, and a descent to a soft sleep with her in my arms.