Damn my soft, flabby heart...

Some of you may know about my intense hatred for Canada geese. Anyone who's ever spent any time with me during the winter on the Fordham Rose Hill campus has probably seen me trying to kick, throw things at, or at least hurl insults at the flock of geese who settle down there every year. I think they do this because they think -in their dim goosey way- that the pond that existed where the Walsh Library now stands way back in the days of St. John's College (ahem - the 1830's) is still there. And every year, when they get to the campus and are surprised and amazed to find a library instead of a pond, they honk and dither about for a while, and then settle in for an entire winter of digging up the lawns, eating the brown grass beneath the snow, and shitting everywhere.

They just suck as animals. They're dumb, they're dirty, they're loud, and they're all over the damn place, and I've always said we should start having open goose hunting season in New York to keep them under control.

But then, I read this: NYC to Gas 2,000 Geese In Bid to Protect Aircraft, and I started feeling a little squeamish.

Because there have been so many plane crashes and run-ins and technical difficulties recently with geese "colliding" with aircrafts, and one majorly over-hyped case of a plane landing in the Hudson when this happened, the city is authorizing the trapping and GAS execution of 2,000 birds this year during molting season, when the birds can't fly in order to escape.

Don't get me wrong, my somewhat-blackened little wannabe-evil heart is trying really hard to rejoice at this news, because geese are my sworn enemies. And I do try to be a credit to the forces of evil to do Maleficent proud.

But, I mean, trapping them while they're unable to escape and then turning the GAS on them? Doesn't that sound awfully World War II Germany? Doesn't that sound cruel and unusual and awful? Trapping and gassing (gasing?) just seems downright... well... evil. Sure, they're obnoxious and loud and would probably taste delicious with a little cranberry sauce and some mashed potatoes on the side, but do we have to be so sneaky and mean about it?God knows we have enough trigger happy outdoorsmen frustrated by their lives in the city - couldn't we give some of them permits to hunt the airport flocks while they're more upwardly mobile to give them a fighting chance? PETA is gonna have a hell of a time with this one...