Tim Burton's Maleficent: or, yes, I have heard about this

Ok, it's taken me a little while to get to the point of addressing this, mainly because I was hoping I would settle on a more certain positive or negative reaction. But, after over a week sitting on the info, I'm still not sure how I feel. However, it seems like I'd better at least mention it because a lot of people I know have already asked me if I've heard about it. The answer is yes, I have heard that Tim Burton is hoping to make a movie about the story of Sleeping Beauty, told through the eyes of my fictional villainess hero, Maleficent.

Now, this could be cool. It could be real cool. I love Tim Burton, with his kooky goth-ness and penchant for curly-queues. Curly cues? Whatever. I love Nightmare Before Christmas, and Edward Scissorhands, and Beetlejuice, and Vincent, and, dear god, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, and Sleepy Hollow, and Corpse Bride, and I even loved what he did with Sweeney Todd, although I wish he'd gotten someone to voice over Helena Bonham-Carter as Mrs. Lovett. But, I have to be honest here: I did not much appreciate his take on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Sweeney could have been much better, and while I want to believe, I'm a little leery already about Alice in Wonderland. And while I'm trying to keep an open mind, I'm not sure how I feel about him doing Sleeping Beauty. More specifically, I'm not sure how I feel about him doing Maleficent.

Because here's what I'm seeing at the moment: crazy CGI, rather than that really cool two-dimensional animation from the original Disney movie, Johnny Depp playing some whack-o invented character (very well and very charmingly, I'm sure), and Helena Bonham Carter playing the title role. And. Well. Don't get me wrong. I love--LOVE--Johnny Depp. And I have a healthy appreciation for Helena, too. But frankly, I think the trio is getting a bit stale in Burton's films, and I very firmly believe that A) Maleficent does not NEED a back story, much less one with a whacky and charming JD character in it--she's the mistress of all fucking evil and how she got there is none of our damn business, and B) Helena does not have the chops. She was superb in Fight Club, and she made as creepy a Mrs. Lovett as could ever be imagined, but she ain't no Maleficent.

For one thing, where's the voice? How can you have Maleficent without The Voice? Eleanor Audly voiced the stepmother in Disney's Cinderella and Maleficent in Disney's Sleeping Beauty with such icy precision that no matter how awesome the visuals or amazing the casting, I simply will not be able to accept a Maleficent without her chilling vocals. She's been dead since 1991.

Furthermore, I repeat: Maleficent is the mistress of all evil. She IS. That's her deal. And much as I think the idea behind "Wicked" and whats-his-face's other books is fun and cute and all, I like Maleficent because she is NOT fun and cute. She is motherfucking terrifying and that's why we like her. As scary and cool as Cruella de Vil and Ursula are, they are sympathetic and kind of funny in their ways. Not Maleficent. She is so scary because she HAS no back story, no quirks, no frailty. She's just evil and seems as ancient and unsympathetic as whatever it is that keeps us awake at night. And I don't really want anyone inventing more. My imagination is good enough for me.

But here's the thing that is really irking me. Maleficent is a badass character. But she's just that: a character, completely invented as she is by Disney. In the original story of Sleeping Beauty, she isn't Maleficent at all, she's just an evil/pissed off/badly numbered (13th) fairy (depending on your story book) who doesn't get invited to the party and gets really ticked off about it. Disney made Maleficent, and as far as I'm concerned she's just as awesome as she can be, as is. I would far rather see Tim Burton do his own version of Sleeping Beauty using his vast imagination and interpreting it as he wishes using his own characters. The story is simple. It's basically a blank canvas. Have at! But don't use someone else's invention as a springboard.

Because I know in Tim Burton's head there are some really dark and really, really cool unexplored territories that Maleficent could inhabit quite neatly. But the recent bent of his films has been so full of whimsy and crowd-pleasing that I can't be sure he'll take her there. I'd rather he invent a whole new world to take us to and put someone that's not exactly Maleficent into it.

But, then, I have to admit... All this press is teaching people how to spell her name. And that's pretty cool.