Oh, you want evidence? Well, I could easily point to several posts in the history of this blog, like perhaps the one about Nicolas Cage making a live-action Sorcerer's Apprentice film, or my personal discovery that we are already living in the Matrix (thanks, Wall-E, you little bastard), or that my dream of killing geese is coming true on a genocidal level.
Or, I could point out that we are on movie #6 of the Harry Potter series (once that #7 comes out, it'll all be over - mark my words), that whats-her-other-OTHER-face from The Hills is getting HER own reality show as well, or that Buzz Aldrin is recording a hip-hop album with Talib Kweli and Snoop Dogg (yes, he is).
But instead, I'll just point to the adorable Brooke Greenberg here.
That is a current picture of Brooke, who turned 16 in January. She has the body of an infant, the bone age of a 10 year old, the assumed mental capacity (because she doesn't speak, it's hard to tell) of a toddler, and despite the fact that she obviously does not age normally, she has no apparent disease, syndrome, or real disorder of any kind. There is nothing physically wrong with her at all (except of course that she appears to be wearing a scrunchie around her head, but I think that might have more to do with her mother). In fact, she's survived seven stomach ulcers, a brain tumor, a seizure, and a stroke, and has survived all these maladies with no lasting damage whatsoever to her system; most of her medical problems, actually, have gone away mysteriously, as if by magic.
She was put on growth hormones early in her life, which had no effect on her at all. She stayed the same height and weight as before.
Not a single doctor who has looked at her bizarre case has any clue what's going on, since there isn't anything actually WRONG with her. The closest they've come to an explanation is that her body systems seem to be aging at different rates, none of which are normal.
Her family conjectures that she might be the key to the "fountain of youth," and doctors who are examining her DNA are calling her "that golden ring" of power to the age-old mysteries of why - and, worse, HOW - we age and die.
Know what I'm gonna call her? And I mean absolutely no offense to Brooke or her family or her doctors or anyone when I say this, because it's not their fault in any way, but... I'm gonna go ahead and assume she's the AntiChrist ("He will appear to survive a fatal injury" [Rev. 13:3; 17:8]? Check. "He will have no regard for the desire of women" [Dan 11:37]? Check. "He will rise from obscurity…a 'little horn'" [Daniel 7:8]? Check. "His arrival on the world scene will be accompanied by miracles, signs and wonders" [2 Thess 2:9]? Check.)
Or if you're not into the whole Revelations thing, she might be easily labeled The End of the World. Yes, I am a-ok with labels in situations like this. Because, call her what you will, it seems unlikely that little Brooke here really has any designs on ending the world as we know it. Well, at least at this stage, unless her one and only cognizant thought is the word "Doom" on repeat (which would be interesting, because that's pretty much what goes on in my head - I'm just too much of a wimp to put it into action). Although, if that's the case and she IS a Doombeast, little Brooke would need to either develop the ability to speak or put others under the control of her Doom Brain in order to enact her evil plans. She hasn't done so yet, but she might just be biding her time until her immediate family dies so she won't have to upset or hurt them personally, since it appears they've been pretty good to her. And I suppose I shouldn't put it past her to take the world down to hell if she wants, given that she seems more than capable of performing miracles already - her brain tumor just disappeared. Poof. Gone. It would seem, to my paranoia-crazed brain, that whatever Powers of Good are trying to do her in are failing.
But the point here is, I'm not necessarily pinning any active evil on Brooke herself. Would an evil entity really submit to wearing the scrunchie? Probably not. No, I'm more worried about what will happen if scientists do manage to turn that golden ring into a key and unlock the secret of eternal life. Even if scientific inquiry as a whole (which, now that I'm reading about the characteristics of the Biblical AntiChrist, seems to be a perfect fit, since modern people worship it) were to do The Right Thing with the information and keep it highly classified and away from the greedy prying eyes of the masses, that information would immediately become The Most Valuable Thing In The World and those who had it would... well... do I need to go into the details of human nature?
Let's just say I see one of several things happening, and none of them are in any way enticing. One: a few rich, rich, rich and greedy souls get their hands on the key to eternal life and implement it in themselves and a few of their buddies, eventually coming to rule the world, probably in a not-so-fun fashion for the rest of us dirt-people. Two: we all get access to it and way too many people become "immortal" or close to it and we end up overpopulating like a bunch of dumb bunnies and killng each other and everything else in our path. Three: nobody implements the immortality secret, necessarily, but somebody HAS it and that knowledge, and the desire for it, lead to World War III in which we all die horrible nuclear holocaust deaths.
In the meantime, peeps, I'd recommend really enjoying the hell out of these last two Harry Potter movies, and buying Buzz Aldrin's hip hop record.
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